To be seen/known/perceived as a trans woman in the UK today is a dangerous prospect and a vulnerability my wife can't afford so I won't be blessing you with her beautiful current day visage. I will tell you her name is Amy and she's the love of my life, my best friend and my full-time carer. I want to raise this money to give her the surgeries she wants and needs to feel whole and be safe but before I explain what the funds are for and how I'm trying to raise the money personally please let me tell you about her.
We met by chance in June 2009 when two, mutual it turned out, friends badgered me to go to 'the pub' even though I had no money as a break from the babies. Amy and I got chatting about whiskeys and she bought me a pint. It didn't take Amy long to work out that I didn't usually go outside as a rule so she started bringing movies to my place for us to watch. I remember so clearly by the 15th of August that year I'd declared we'd be married, by the 22nd we were officially a couple and, dear reader, on the 29th of March 2010 I became the luckiest bean to ever live when she became my wife - though you wouldn't know it from the photos!
Amy didn't just marry a single mother with two very young children who'd already experienced homelessness and witnessed domestic violence, the oldest of those kids has auDHD and was understandably displaying some very challenging behaviour at the time.
Amy became my full-time carer and mother to our children when she married me. I was born with a connective tissue disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hypermobile type *tips hat*) and deal with various comorbidities associated with EDS, I have auDHD & cPTSD. Basically, I'm a lot of work for someone who can't work in traditional employment and yet not only does she care for me all day every day she loves me on top of it all!
I probably don't have to tell you that she's the favourite parent but I can tell you I'm not mad about it. We still have those all-night chats about life, the universe and everything but back when we were just friends she told me that she could never see herself as a parent. The funny thing is, I can't imagine her not being a mum, she's a natural.
This isn't even all Amy does, she does all this good in my world but she does good in the real world too! There’s an outdoor event that involves camping and days of live entertainment run by a reputable local organisation who raise money for two or more different charities annually. For this event Amy does the graphic design for all the promotional materials and merchandise, some of the marketing and some volunteering at the event itself. This same organisation does other fundraising events for which Amy does the graphic design for promotional materials. Oh, and she runs their website too, all gratis of course.
Amy would do anything to help her friends, or anyone at all, and I hope her friends vouch for her in their words of support.
I don't know which specific surgeons or precise procedures she wants but I know enough to make educated guesses using averages. There are two main things Amy has discussed wanting and they are ‘bottom surgery‘ and FFS in that order.
To work out the costs I looked at the costs of consultations, procedures I think are most likely (not most expensive just most common plus what I've gleaned from conversations with Amy), transport and accommodation costs, emergency costs and revision costs if necessary. I worked revision costs into my estimate because revisions are common but not always needed and the very last thing Amy needs in her very full life is a single ounce of extra stress and so we need a back up plan just in case things go wrong. All told it's looking like we're going to need £100k but I know the bottom surgery is the most important to Amy and the estimate for that with extras maxes out at £30k so that's where I'm setting the initial goal. If we manage to achieve both goals for Amy and there's anything left over I'll pay someone to build me a PP, just kidding! Unless...
No, really, I am kidding! Any change will be donated to Esse House. (They don't know about this yet, please check them out!)
For my part, as you know I'm a useless lump of human eff-word at the best of times but on my good days I divine and design all kinds of shiny tat I'm hoping to try and sell through social media and have buyers pay by making donations (hello if that's you!).
This might sound like a goldmine but good days are rare and I am always struggling for materials because of real life problems like needing to pay rent and owing my dad a couple of grand for saving me from being taken to court by a funeral director earlier this year (shout out to hero dads) - I'm getting off track, what I'm trying to say is I need to be careful with my spoons because with Amy's support and encouragement I'm going to try like hell to raise what I can through crafts to make this happen for a very special lady who truly deserves everything
I'll be making weekly progress updates, sharing any news about potential consultations, procedures and their related costs as and when they arise as well as milestone updates if we're lucky enough to reach them.
Thank you for reading.
